If I were to describe myself, the first word that I usually think of is “nice.” Which isn’t a terrible thing, right? If you asked my friends, they would agree that I am a nice person.
But (there is always a but), I have grown to believe that being “nice” is the worst.
I remember crying to my therapist one day that all I am is nice. When people think of me they think, “Oh, Kirsten, she’s so nice, soft spoken, and creative.” My immediate response to this is to think something like, “Wow, all of that is useless, what are you good for, Kirsten? All you are is nice.”
I don’t know how my thought process became like this, but here’s some speculation.
I remember my first year of RA training last school year, and how out of place that I felt. The facilitators kept describing the collection of RA’s as outgoing, bubbly, and extroverted. Let me let you in on a little secret – I am literally none of those things.
I am more of a background person. I like to be the planner of events, not the center of attention. I enjoy surprising my loved ones with thoughtful gifts, given in secret. I would much rather talk with someone one-on-one than try to facilitate a group conversation. I am a quiet listener, not an avid advice giver.
I felt like being this quieter person was not as useful. I needed to change, stretch, grow. Become something different than I was.
I don’t know when or how this changed, but Kirsten got a little salty.
Why don’t I feel as valued as the loud people?
I started to see where other people had weaknesses where I had strengths, rather than vice versa. I started to realize that everyone should be different, we should all have different strengths.
Diversity is a beautiful thing. Each one of us brings something special to the table that no one else can. You don’t have to fit the stereotype, but it’s also okay to fit the stereotype.
I feel like I’m shouting from the back of a crowd saying, “Hey! Appreciate all people for who they are!”
Whether you think you’re “just” nice, talkative, giving, sweet, etc. Know that you’re not “just” anything. You are made up of wonderful, beautiful qualities that are needed everywhere. You are one of a kind and God loves you just as you are, and so should other people. You deserve to feel comfortable in your skin and to be unconditionally loved.
I hope that you hear me and shout it out loud too.