Hello, friends.

I have a lot of reasons why I don’t do things, but I don’t have a lot of answers to my questions of why.

I haven’t been going to church. *cue gasp*
Like the quote above, I’ve found that going to church triggers my depression. Going to church has consistently reminded me that I’m human and how ashamed I should be.
How freaking sad is that?

Going to church drudges up shame of being human. The prayers of, “Oh God, we are not worthy, oh God, help us, do not crush us in your anger.”
I can’t.
I can’t even.

I’m sorry, but why do we need to focus on what piles of crap we as humans are? Why do we look at ourselves in that way?
I’m guessing God wasn’t looking at us in disgust as He was creating us.

I feel like I have to apologize for who I am. For my very being.

#sorrynotsorry, but I don’t think that’s okay.
Especially in church.

Church should be a celebration, no?

A celebration that our God loves us unconditionally, that our Jesus found us valuable enough to die for our sins on the cross (pretty sure He wouldn’t do that for just anyone).

I don’t know. My whys don’t have answers.

In my attempt to find the gratitude and joy in this, church is more than just the place. The Church is the people, we are the church.
I have dear friends that have shown me that I am worthy of love, that I deserve to be healthy and whole, and that I am a blessing to others lives, just by existing.

Although I haven’t heard that from a denominational church, I have heard and felt it through the love of the Church.

I feel like I’m missing something.

I’m open to comments and opposing or non-opposing views. Please feel free to share your thoughts. 🙂


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